Christmas with young children

I am a huge fan of Christmas, especially the whole magical Father Christmas, stockings and reindeers aspect of it. I have very fond memories of my Christmases growing up. When my daughter arrived I looked forward to the time when I could create wonderful Christmas memories for her too. Now my son is here and I can create memories for him as well when he is old enough.

This year I knew my daughter was understanding more about Christmas and she certainly got the concept of Father Christmas! Inadvertently this year she visited him in his grotto five times! Next year we definitely have to limit this otherwise she will twig that it is a different person each time! My planning for this Christmas started in November when I bought a special advent calendar, a wooden house with small drawers and I put a small chocolate in each one. My daughter certainly enjoyed getting a little chocolate everyday but I am unconvinced that she actually understood the reason for the numbers on the drawers and what it was counting down to. My theory is that I can create certain personal family traditions and have certain things that my children will always associate with Christmas. My parents have a pair of china figures, an old fashioned girl and boy, that are actually bells with a beautiful sound. I remember getting these out every Christmas of my childhood and whenever I go back home at christmastime I like to see where they are. As a special little side note; this year my daughter saw at my parent's house a candle driven three tiered roundabout nativity scene which my Dad inherited from his parents when it needed fixing. She was very taken with it and as a special treat after Christmas dinner my Dad lit the candles for her to watch it properly. The fourth generation to enjoy this special object! My grandparents also used to have candle driven angel chimes which I remember from childhood. I was so happy when I found original imported European angel chimes at a Christmas fayre a few years ago and was able to purchase my own set which have made an appearance every Christmas since then.

This year was also the first year that Sophie helped me to decorate the tree. It was more a case that I showed her the ornament and she pointed to where it should go but she very proudly put the angel on the top of the tree. When it came to putting the chocolates in the tree she was a very willing helper, although when I looked afterwards every single chocolate was on the same branch! While I was at university I purchased a number of cheap baubles to decorate the fake tree in our student house and I still have them but I think they will be finding their way to the bin next time they come out of the loft. The reason for this is that my tree this year was covered in ornaments without using any of them. I do not have a theme to my tree, or subscribe to the elegant look. My tree is a very eclectic mix of ornaments that mean something to me. Everything on my tree has a story and I definitely like it that way. As my children get older and will hopefully help decorate the tree every year then I will be the very boring and annoying Mum that tells them the stories of the ornaments until they are sick of hearing it!

This year was also Sophie's first major participation in a nativity, last year she took part in the chorus and this year she was an angel. All through December we kept hearing snippets of the nativity songs being sung to various dolls etc, and she even started practising her part, getting me to turn on imaginary music while she skipped in a circle around an imaginary tree. She also got her toys in rehearsals! She would sit them down and teach them the songs and pretending to press an imaginary stereo. "Come on children, get out your Christmas crackers." Or indeed Christmas dinners was a common phrase heard in rehearsals. Needless to say I was a very proud Mummy watching the actual performance and thoroughly enjoyed it.

I started a new tradition this year that I actually came across on Facebook. That is the tradition of the Christmas Eve box. The thinking is that you get a shoe box or something similar and put in it a new pair of pyjamas, a new DVD, some popcorn, hot chocolate and any other treats you like. You then give it to the child(ren) on Christmas Eve to open, get in to their new pyjamas, cuddle up on the sofa and watch a family film munching popcorn and drinking hot chocolate. Seeing as Sophie's bedtime is 7pm we had an early evening film at 5pm! Monsters University! It's fab but since then I think I have watched it about ten times so practically know it off by heart! At bedtime I also read Sophie and Charlie a special copy of The Night Before Christmas that I bought last year and read to Sophie then. She was also given a copy of Kippers Christmas Eve by my Mum to go in the box so we had that too. Books that will now become part of Christmas Eve bedtime for both my children until they outgrow them.

This year Sophie was more aware Father Christmas coming and the reason for the stocking and the treats put out so we enjoyed that aspect more then last year. She put out some of my homemade German Christmas biscuits and some milk which she didn't ask to drink, unlike last year! And of course a carrot for Rudolf. We hung her stocking in her room and she went to bed. I had a great time playing Father Christmas and sneaking in to get the stocking, filling it and putting it back. This is where we enter the sort of bizarre! Sophie didn't quite get the concept of presents this year. When I was growing up my parents would always keep all the presents hidden and would then put them under the tree after we were in bed on Christmas Eve. I am going to do that next year but this year for a couple of weeks there were presents under our tree and they were barely acknowledged. Also, on Christmas Day morning Sophie came in to our bedroom as usual and seemed to have forgotten all about her stocking. We had to actually remind her who was supposed to have visited her in the night and take her back in her room to look at her stocking and encourage her to open the presents.

One Christmas tradition that we have still got to look forward to this Sunday is watching my cousin in panto. She has appeared in panto for a number of years and I have tried to go most years and always thoroughly enjoy it. I always take Sophie and go with my Mum. I am really looking forward to seeing what Sophie makes of it. This is again something that I have seen a change in her response to it as she has got older. This year should be a great experience for all of us provided Sophie has had a good nights sleep! Big shout out to all those appearing in or working on Snow White in Chatham!

I am excited to see what Christmas 2014 brings and how different things will be with Sophie, and indeed Charlie. Christmas 2013 was more magical then Christmas 2012 so who knows how much better it will be next year?!

Happy New Year everyone! I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous 2014.

 

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My personal views on parenting

I cannot remember the last time I actually wrote a blog post. It has been sadly far too long but I am hoping to rectify that in the coming months.

Those of you who know me will know that we welcomed the arrival of our second child, a boy, in August. We are now incredibly proud parents to a very precocious three year old daughter and a smiley and very chilled out four month old son. The grandparents have been warned that our family is now complete and they should not be expecting anymore grandchildren from us!! This year has also seen several other babies arrive, some of my closest friends have become first time parents and I am overjoyed to have become an aunty to a gorgeous niece, the firstborn child of my brother and sister in law. As you can imagine, rather a lot of the conversations I have had this year have been about pregnancy birth and child rearing. So I thought I'd share a few thoughts.

Firstly, I have well and truly learnt that there are no right answers! Whenever I go to a baby shower, and there have been a few, and I am asked for one piece of advice for the mummy to be I always give the same piece. I tell them to follow their instincts because whatever they are, they will be right for them. I don't believe in rules for parenting, every child is unique and every parent is different. There are certainly things that have worked for other parents that have not worked for me and vice versa.

Additionally, children born to the same two parents can be total and complete opposites in terms of temperaments, personalities, likes and wants. I have learnt this lesson pretty sharpish with my two beautiful little ones. We are still on an incredibly steep learning curve with our son, he is only four months old and as such he is still discovering the world around him and working out life and what it is to be a baby. Sophie was a baby who needed a lot of direct interaction and being held whereas Charlie is very happy in his jumperoo or bouncer provided there are things to occupy him and he loves watching people around him. Then when you talk to him he gives you such a huge smile and kicks like crazy. He is far more chilled out than Sophie ever was. He grizzles when he needs something whereas Sophie cried. By this age Sophie was sleeping through the night but Charlie is a long way off from that. Finally, Sophie was very good at feeding but Charlie actually seems to dislike milk so it is a bit of a battle to get him to feed. I know that our approaches to our two children have been very different, with Sophie we were much stronger at imposing a routine and doing controlled crying, whereas with Charlie we have let him be in charge far more. That works for us as he then fits in far better with family life and is very relaxed about being carted around here, there and everywhere in order to continue with general life with a toddler.

As a parent I am learning every single day and talking to friends and family can offer gems of advice that I would never have thought of. Raising a toddler is teaching me so much, at the moment a lot of that is the art of being patient. All lessons that may well come in handy when Charlie hits that age. I am constantly amazed at what Sophie is teaching me, the new things she is so rapidly learning and how life is constantly changing. For example, as a huge fan of Christmas and the whole magic of Santa I am loving the fact that this year she seems far more aware of it all and it is making it very special to share with her.

I know I have made mistakes as a parent, some times I have told Sophie off a bit too quickly when I am tired; I have given in to her desire for junk food when I perhaps should have enforced a healthier choice; I have given her too much choice at times and ended up in a pickle; at times I have allowed her to watch a little too much tv and I am sure there are other things that slip my mind at the moment. On the whole though, I would like to think that as mums go, I am not bad at it. I am sure I will make mistakes as far as Charlie is concerned too but if they are minor in the grand scheme of things then I will be happy.

I guess the main message I am trying to get across is that as far as perfect parenting goes there are no rules and perhaps no such thing. If the child grows up happy, healthy, independent, secure, moral and knows they are safe and loved then I think the parent has been successful. Sorry to sound so cliched and trite but these are just some personal musings brought about by realising how different my son is and constantly wondering if I am doing the right thing. I know to question myself is natural and that if I didn't then perhaps I would be too complacent but it has been an eye opener so far and considering how many babies have been born this year amongst friends and family a very popular topic of conversation.

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