I cannot remember the last time I actually wrote a blog post. It has been sadly far too long but I am hoping to rectify that in the coming months.
Those of you who know me will know that we welcomed the arrival of our second child, a boy, in August. We are now incredibly proud parents to a very precocious three year old daughter and a smiley and very chilled out four month old son. The grandparents have been warned that our family is now complete and they should not be expecting anymore grandchildren from us!! This year has also seen several other babies arrive, some of my closest friends have become first time parents and I am overjoyed to have become an aunty to a gorgeous niece, the firstborn child of my brother and sister in law. As you can imagine, rather a lot of the conversations I have had this year have been about pregnancy birth and child rearing. So I thought I'd share a few thoughts.
Firstly, I have well and truly learnt that there are no right answers! Whenever I go to a baby shower, and there have been a few, and I am asked for one piece of advice for the mummy to be I always give the same piece. I tell them to follow their instincts because whatever they are, they will be right for them. I don't believe in rules for parenting, every child is unique and every parent is different. There are certainly things that have worked for other parents that have not worked for me and vice versa.
Additionally, children born to the same two parents can be total and complete opposites in terms of temperaments, personalities, likes and wants. I have learnt this lesson pretty sharpish with my two beautiful little ones. We are still on an incredibly steep learning curve with our son, he is only four months old and as such he is still discovering the world around him and working out life and what it is to be a baby. Sophie was a baby who needed a lot of direct interaction and being held whereas Charlie is very happy in his jumperoo or bouncer provided there are things to occupy him and he loves watching people around him. Then when you talk to him he gives you such a huge smile and kicks like crazy. He is far more chilled out than Sophie ever was. He grizzles when he needs something whereas Sophie cried. By this age Sophie was sleeping through the night but Charlie is a long way off from that. Finally, Sophie was very good at feeding but Charlie actually seems to dislike milk so it is a bit of a battle to get him to feed. I know that our approaches to our two children have been very different, with Sophie we were much stronger at imposing a routine and doing controlled crying, whereas with Charlie we have let him be in charge far more. That works for us as he then fits in far better with family life and is very relaxed about being carted around here, there and everywhere in order to continue with general life with a toddler.
As a parent I am learning every single day and talking to friends and family can offer gems of advice that I would never have thought of. Raising a toddler is teaching me so much, at the moment a lot of that is the art of being patient. All lessons that may well come in handy when Charlie hits that age. I am constantly amazed at what Sophie is teaching me, the new things she is so rapidly learning and how life is constantly changing. For example, as a huge fan of Christmas and the whole magic of Santa I am loving the fact that this year she seems far more aware of it all and it is making it very special to share with her.
I know I have made mistakes as a parent, some times I have told Sophie off a bit too quickly when I am tired; I have given in to her desire for junk food when I perhaps should have enforced a healthier choice; I have given her too much choice at times and ended up in a pickle; at times I have allowed her to watch a little too much tv and I am sure there are other things that slip my mind at the moment. On the whole though, I would like to think that as mums go, I am not bad at it. I am sure I will make mistakes as far as Charlie is concerned too but if they are minor in the grand scheme of things then I will be happy.
I guess the main message I am trying to get across is that as far as perfect parenting goes there are no rules and perhaps no such thing. If the child grows up happy, healthy, independent, secure, moral and knows they are safe and loved then I think the parent has been successful. Sorry to sound so cliched and trite but these are just some personal musings brought about by realising how different my son is and constantly wondering if I am doing the right thing. I know to question myself is natural and that if I didn't then perhaps I would be too complacent but it has been an eye opener so far and considering how many babies have been born this year amongst friends and family a very popular topic of conversation.
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